The Word of the Year is Gaslighting

The word “gaslighting” is Merriam Webster’s Word of the Year for 2022. As advocates for victims and survivors of trauma and abuse, this word is not unfamiliar. How does the term apply to our work and what can we do to protect our clients, friends, and ourselves from gaslighting?

What is gaslighting? The Merriam Webster definition of gaslighting, a term whose origins stem from a 1938 play called Gas Light, which was made into two movies in the 1940s, is “the psychological manipulation of a person, usually over an extended period of time, that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories. Gaslighting typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator” (Merriam Webster).

Gaslighters lie. They manipulate. They accuse their victim of overreacting. They accuse their victim of being crazy. They take advantage of weaknesses and exploit social stereotypes. It may or may not come with physical abuse, and frequently it begins very subtly, intensifying over time.

According to Heather Devitt, FCR’s Director of Domestic Violence Services, “experiencing gaslighting can be overwhelming. A survivor may experience isolation, leading their world to revolve around the person harming them. If the only messages they're receiving from their partner is that they're "crazy" or can't make simple decisions on their own, they may feel dependent on the abuser, which gives their abuser more power, perpetuating the cycle.”

How common is it? In a survey conducted by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 74% of adult female victims of domestic violence report experiencing gaslighting from their partner or ex-partner.

How FCR has helped a victim of gaslighting: Jane Doe came to our office in need of advocacy with live-in partner who had become verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. Her abuser utilized several typical gaslighting tactics: he took advantage of his partner’s perceived weaknesses and he constantly belittled her. The client, who suffered from some cognitive disabilities and memory loss, felt the abuser was taking advantage of that. She also spoke of how her abuser constantly demeaned her, stripping her of her confidence.

Heather Devitt reflected on the type of treatment an individual in this situation may expect: “Typically, education about the phenomenon can lead to empowerment and the reminder their life is their own and they have choice over their relationships.” Along with ongoing domestic violence advocacy, FCR’s Housing Team worked with Jane Doe to successfully procure safe, affordable, and sustainable housing, and assisted her in applying for benefits from the state to help her going forward. She is now living independently, away from her abuser, and working on rebuilding her confidence and sense of self.

Are you or someone you know being gaslit? Here’s what you can do.

·         Keep a journal – record events so your gaslighter cannot tell you they didn’t happen.

·         Maintain relationships with supportive friends and family members so you won’t feel isolated.

·         Tell multiple people – they can support your version of events.

You can read more about gaslighting in this informative Forbes article.